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TO FOLLOW THE NOTES OF THE UNCONSCIOUS CALVO Celia "... we learn that the psychoanalysis consists on pulsing on the multiple staves of a score that the word constitutes in the language's registrations." J.Lacan in "Function and Field". For some reasons that I will try to outline, I decided to expose through a clinical cutting of an analysis achieved some years ago, some questions referred to the cure, trying to deploy the course of some theories where the analytic operation allowed it. If the cure designates the psychoanalysis in act, it will be in adding under transfer the different moments, session by session, where its direction is ordered. There, where the subject persists in the position in which his enjoyment situates him, the psychoanalyst offers the possibility of variation, i.e. a way of going beyond that place. Then, the cure is a path that is ordered in process. That is Lacan's proposal to situate the horizon in which the fundamental discoveries were given to Freud. It is about allowing the emergence of this, which is constituent, of this, which allows the discursive rotation. Although it is difficult to explain an analysis because there is in its course a radical loss, I take the risk, selecting some significant sequences, supporting that something operated there, trying to rationalize it and leading the cutting. N. was by 30 years old when she came to my consultation, suffering of bulimia and she asked me desperately not to allow her to vomit, if she did it, she would kill herself. Foreigner, musician, she met a classical music composer that was in a tour in her country. They fell in love and they came to Uruguay. Then they get married. Since she was an adolescent she gorged herself and then she vomited. This situation led her to an institution that cures these "alimentary disorders". This experience that lasted about one year implied to tolerate "horrors", like being not allowed to look herself at the mirrors (all of them were covered at home), having lockers in her fridge and cupboards, being not allowed to choose her clothes or obviously to determine the portions of food. Crazy and feeling no way out of this situation and in an unconscious act, when she was going to that institution, she crashed her car against a lorry, in an accident described by her as a suicidal act. In that moment she decided to call me to know if I could listen to her. The problem of the time appeared from the beginning, when she urgently repeated her first requirement. Of this first period I will remark some elements, e.g. she did not believe I could cure her because, among other reasons, I am a woman. And she did not trust women because she usually had problems with them. Some facts situated the coordinates of the transfer that enable the analytic work. N. spends her time thinking that she could fail the institution. In spite of having left the institution, she continues tied up to the decalogue (in fact there were 40 rules) and she is afraid of not achieving the program of diets and the fixed schedules exactly. Then, she called me overflowed because she had gorged herself with water. She had two glasses of water not in the specific hours. Then, the horrors of vomiting appeared again. Her speech confronted me to enable her in the desire, at the same time that doing that, was felt by N. like a risk of life and disappearance in the madness. "Do not let me do anything". With this sentence she summoned a clone of the institution. She did not know how to leave it. She asked for help but she did not make the question of why this would happen to her. In a few sessions I discovered that she was mainly afraid of removing her fear, because this was her limit and her referent. In that moment my cautious intervention was: "If you do not want to vomit you do not have to". This allowed, somehow, a certain relief that allows her to speak. In the seminar "The Transfer", Lacan makes us know that it is the time of inmixion of the knowledge. Then, it was about introducing, in such sort of subjective whisking away of N. the time of the subject, held to the word that allowed a different option from that the one of fading from the scene. Encouraged by the fundamental rule a transfer space is structured. From this space is built for an analysed its own significant logic. The analyst's intervention tries to move the firm position of the subject taken there by the pleasure in the nets of the Otherness. She has several siblings. She was born after a long separation of her parents. The father used to go anywhere, to play music in bars, leaving home. She was expected to be a boy. "I envy men, the world belongs to them, they can do what they want, and they have the power". She has always been fatty. Her siblings ridiculed her by saying: "It is better to jump you over than encircling you". My brother used to beat me, my sister to kick me, all of them abused me". When she was she got married and as a "result", a son and many beats. She was sexually abused and punished by her husband who used to disappear during many weeks. This situation led her, during her pregnancy, to try to commit suicides twice, one in the fourth month ingesting pills and the other in the sixth month when she tried to jump through the window. She escaped to the paternal house a few months after her baby's birth.
There her bulimia increased. An unknown pleasure coloured her story as
a victim of beats. Led by the anger; she stole her mother's food to vomit.
Her father taught her to play a typical indigenous instrument of her country. The family rejects the music, by considering it as a synonym of lust, because it favours the overflowing. Secretly she studied guitar. Her husband, a famous musician, discouraged her saying that she was not going to be a good guitar concert. Disappointed, she began to compose. Her first piece was signed with an alias, anagram of her name that suggests the name of a foreign man. She says "this piece was successful because they believed that I was a man. To be a Latin-American woman and composer is like being nobody". If in the first time the proposed intervention "If you don't want to vomit, you don't have to", gives her in act a place that was not present in her speech, now it appeared like demanding to get a place. It becomes absolutely necessary, still with the risk of restart vomits and gorging, the transferring support of her work in composition. She continues this way in her journey for the real drive. She travels the oral border that first appears as an expulsive border to access to the word through the voice, and then as music directed to the Otherness. The imperative initial order varied to transformation of the voice in music. She began a second piece devoted to her mother. She records sounds that she explores with different timbres that are carried out with an acoustic electric apparatus, like a computer where she writes the score and she adds the timbres of her voice. She gradually reaches to edit her piece in U.S.A., receiving an excellent critic in a specialized magazine. When they request her references she has to declare her alias and be discovered as a woman. The analysis with me finished when she moved to another country as a consequence of her husband's work. She has not vomited for four years. While her expectations are to continue studying music "to have a name", she continues composing because "until I do not finish the piece, I will feel stuffed, I have to throw it out, to release it." It is similarly about vomiting but now music. Montevideo, September 2000. Celia Calvo. |